That is Kelly's comment via MSN on my recent entry about
Well, everyone, to a certain degree, does wear mask. That's is one of the way we survive, make friends, get along, and avoid getting killed. If the mask to to minimized personal flaw for greater good, then it is always acceptable. But if it is for personal gain by pretending someone you are not, then go to hell.
Needless to mention, my mask is a bad one. Anyone with a functional eyes and brain can tell I have a fucking bad temper. I can heat up at any trivial matter. Wait for at least 5 minutes for an ugly bitch that is neither my friend or close colleague to show up for lunch everyday? If she is either a pretty chicks or someone I like, I don't care if have to wait for five hours but that thing? Yucks~!Why don't we arrange for a set up and get her fired! Better, I hope it choked to death. No kidding, this is the exact word that cross my mind. But the only thing that leak out is my black face and eyes emitting fire that say "Murder".
Asked Kelly what do she think my flaw is that need immediate attention.
Answer: bad temper and unique behaviour.
Ok bad temper, already covered a bit above.
Unique temper ma....hahaha~ Unique is a carefully chosen and mild word. Maybe she scared will provoke me. The actual word is "strange", not "weird" since there's some element of cuteness in "weird".
Why strange? Maybe I'm not so communicative, or open up? I seldom speak out how I fell about certain thing. Even if I do, I maybe using some pop culture reference that not much people understand. Communicative, is always a hard task for me. There are certain things that I can get to know without have to ask. Through colleague's unusual behaviour, their conversation during lunch, I can simply get to the right conclusion that someone has resign. There's a lot of seemingly cliche and common question that I can ask and make a topic of to start a conversation, but I never do since I can get the answer without even ask. If I ever ask, that is because I want to know and the worst part is , after I get the answer, if no need further explanation, the awkward silence will take place...fuck it.
Bottom line is, I'm full of curiosity. Once it is satisfied, I can able to ask a question about something I already know just to start a conversation. I feel fake.
Well, Kelly's "unique" comment is not about this. But it is related. She commented on my certain behaviour that left the whole group puzzled. Was I angry? Was I having something in my mind? etc. And all this speculation can be avoided, had I just give a brief message of what I'm doing. Right? Like all normal people does.
Sigh, bad temper, communicate only when need to i.e. communication problem. Two of my many many flaws i vowed to solved. But as I say, I we are to change consciously, it is very hard and will not work. Change my be gradual, from inside, the heart, the mind. This is also hard, but this works. Talking about mind, when was the last time I sit down and clear my mind, balancing it...searching for the guy that is lost in the mist of everyday routine and chaos?
Find one day la....haha
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