Sleepy…er...as usual….

Isn't it strange? If it is 3 in the morning, and I have keep on yawning for the past 1 hour, I most likely still can keep myself awake watching videos, reading wikis or playing angry birds. But if I'm in the office….

Interesting things happens. Things that I never thought can happen or will happen, happens. I never thought I can be asleep, dream and still able to register the ambient sound of the office in the same time. Such a surreal experience, here I am in dream land having some life and death kung-fu match; in the same time I can hear and interpret the payroll issues my leaders are having and what they up to know.

The realization that I'm still on the office working startled me and wakes me up; only to find that I dozed off in the middle of an email composition. Geez….am I that tired? No idea. I thought I get enough of sleep, and the work is not particularly taxing these few days. But how come ar?

It's raining now. What a waste. It should only rain when I'm at home on my bed, feeling sleepy. Even better if she's by my side. Instead we are in the office, and it is getting cold. I'm getting even more sleepier….

 

 

Johari ar~ Johari~

"Johari Window:
Open: Adjectives that are selected by both the participant and his or her peers are placed into the Open quadrant. This quadrant represents traits of the subjects that both they and their peers are aware of.

Hidden: Adjectives selected only by subjects, but not by any of their peers, are placed into the Hidden quadrant, representing information about them their peers are unaware of. It is then up to the subject to disclose this information or not.

Blind Spot: Adjectives that are not selected by subjects but only by their peers are placed into the Blind Spot quadrant. These represent information that the subject is not aware of, but others are, and they can decide whether and how to inform the individual about these "blind spots".

Unknown: Adjectives that were not selected by either subjects or their peers remain in the Unknown quadrant, representing the participant's behaviors or motives that were not recognized by anyone participating. This may be because they do not apply or because there is collective ignorance of the existence of these traits."


I put this name, Johari in my Facebook ID. Reason, to remind me of this phenomenon.
 
There are always part of me that already well known, and I need not elaborate more.

There are parts of me that are hidden, which I only disclose to a few close ones.

There are parts of me that I never see, but others can; and I hope those that can let me know. If it is good, I’m happy to continue. If it is bad, help me to improve.

There are parts of me that neither I nor others know. That, is something we need to discover together.

If there is a day when someone tell me a flaw in me, that I never aware of, what will I do? Will I able to accept that flaw is part of me? Will I even acknowledge it? Will I able to really stop it? I do not know.

Is it intended? I know not. Am I the person I always think I am? I know not. I know what I want, but I can’t read myself. That’s why I do need others…to let me know where I did wrong, to let me know my flaws.

There are times when my flaws become hurtful to others. I do not expect forgiveness, but at least a chance of redemption, a way to improve, an encouragement to fix it. Do I expect too much?

Nobody’s perfect. Is that my excuse or a fact? Do I mean what I say? I believe I do, but my action did say otherwise. Is that me? Yes it is.

If there is a mistake, I blame no one but myself. But sometimes, I alone has no the strength to overcome it. I do need help. So please help me. It can be as simple as a moral support, or an encouragement or just a space for me to speak up.

I don’t like to bring my sorrow to my close ones. Yet I can deny I need them in order for me to go on. I’m a lonely man. I have taken a lot by myself, for 30 years. I’m tired.

So, please don’t ignore me when I need you most. I need support most, when I realized I am not the man I think I am. It shattered my confident, dimmed my hope, sucked my energy away, lost my way.

It is horrible. I can’t take it. 

Mindset on food

After 6 weeks in Witbank, in less than 24 hours after returning to Malaysia, I flew again. This time, to Taiwan, for vacation.

How is Taiwan? Great. How is the trip? Great. But still there are ups and downs. Strange, I may not be the keenest member to go to Taiwan, but I think I enjoyed the most. My friends, however, also enjoyed it, but when it comes to the food...hmmm, I kind of miss my Witbank gang.

When my seniors complained about Witbank's food, the first idea I have, after trying to food there is, do not expect it to be same as Malaysia. Same goes to Taiwanese food, or any other countries. Reason being...should I say it? It is totally logical to expect things to be different when it is from different country!!!

My colleague is a Muslim, she has limited choice in Witbank, but as long as the meat she eat is halal, she does not particular if the cooking utensil has been used to make non-halal food. I'm impress with her flexibility.

The irony is, my Taiwan gang does not eat beef. I don't think they are Buddhism, for it is never a Buddhist thing, and Buddhism does not encourage stubbornness on choice of food, it does not have any commandments like those religions that has God as the central figure. They are more like typical Chinese religion that worships the deities which is more like a blend of Taoism with the appearance of a few Buddhism figure in their rooster. So what happen is, when I was happily indulging myself in any food I am interested in in Taiwan. They were restricted to things that they can eat. They can't even accept it if the soup in steamboat has been used to cooked beef. But luckily one of their Taiwanese friend unknowingly dip a piece of beef in it. After this, I am free to use the soup to cook my beef. Everything is different, of so many food we tried, they only like one. How sad for them.

Funny thing is, despite being 10 years of friend. There are still a lot of behaviour I totally do not know, and need time and patience to cope with. Like my Witbank hater senior, I mentally comment the Taiwan gang that they shouldn't bring along Malaysian mindset on food to Taiwan. But when think about it, didn't I did the same mistake. My friends are good people, but in terms of food and culture, they are not as open or adventurous as the two ladies I went to Witbank with. Maybe I myself are too accustomed with them that I brought my openness and adventurous mindset to Taiwan and forgot that I actually going there with totally different group of people?

Still perhaps the group is too small. Hopefully next year we have a bigger group. The bigger the merrier ma. But then again, it was a great trip. More on that in future entry.

All My Bags Are Pack, I'm Ready To Go...

Wow...that is fast~!!! Almost unbelievable. It's tomorrow? We gonna leave tomorrow and back to Malaysia!

I'm even more excited. In less than 24 hours after arrive in Malaysia, I'm going to depart to Taiwan!

Funny how things happen. Now I starting to miss South Africa already. Although we live in Witbank, a place that generally agreed by all, even the local to be the most boring town in South Africa, but I'm glad we can still enjoyed our short term stay here. Ultimately, it is not the place, it is the people. Who are we and who we are with actually plays a big part in determining if a trip is a dream or a nightmare.

There's a lot of first time here in SA. First time being out of Asia, first time on a business class flight, first time touching a lion, first time being to a safari, a reserve land where all the wild animals roam and live freely, first time eating springbok, a local cute animal with very cool horn and many more.....

Well, in less than 24 hours we will be in the airport waiting our flight. Can't wait to be back, but I'm sure will miss this wonderful place.

Countdowning now...

Less then two weeks, then back to Malaysia for a day, and head straight to Taiwan for the long awaited vacation.

The couple returning from UK has returned, and don't know if I will see them first in my one day in Malaysia before departing to Taiwan. Ah, how I miss them. It has almost been a year since I last see them, the dinner in Restoran Boston, if my memory hasn't fail me yet.

Sigh, how time flies. Sometimes, I wonder if it is travelling too fast.

Life here...

Not even a month here, in Witbank, South Africa I have already get use to it. Rise morning, breakfast with cereals and my choice of eggs and sides.

A short trip to the office, work till lunch, where we will usually buy some pre-cooked or frozen food which we'll reheat in the microwave, and a little chat after lunch.

Then work again until 5, wait for our ride, shower, then maybe a dip in the bath tub, followed by a three course dinner.

After that will be an hour or so on the net, until my thinkpad's battery reaches the critical level, then head back to the room, watch some TV, then sleep.

Curiously enough, I do not miss home much, save for a few things, the people, the food and my little car...Well, still have 20 odd days to go. Seriously, I hardly make countdown to home here. Haha~

A Sunny Day in Belle Done

From the first day we reached here, on September 17th until now, we hardly stay in the hotel for 24 hours. Whenever there is a local holiday or weekends, we'll try to make use of the time to go out exploring and hang out.

But this Sunday, we decided to stay in, after spending the whole Saturday outside. Frankly speaking, we need to rest a while and this is a perfectly nice place to do that.

This is a sunny Sunday, there's some occasional wind, but overall not windy or cold. The weather is dry here, so even if the sun is burning, unless we stand under the sun, we can hardly sweat.

After a late breakfast and spend the whole morning in the room watching random channel in the TV, I decided to come to the patio and online, and of course, puffing. Belle Done is kind of isolated from the town center, expect of some faint noise from distant vehicle, there's only some birds' chirping accompany me here.


This is nice, and I'm happy that we chose this hotel or more accurately guest house instead of those conventional hotel that lack of human touch. It is time like this that our reality blurs, for we feel like we are on a holiday rather than on a business trip, with an important mission to accomplish in 5 weeks.

Tomorrow will be another start of working week, and it will be a full working week, for there is no holiday. But even in work we feel little pressure, save for a lack of direction, since what we learn here is not exactly what we suppose to do. Well, I mean, they way of doing is different, and we need to learn the smart way, absorbing the core essence, rather than expecting to replicate all that is done here.

Still, a challenge in work is better than just work. For things will be boring if there is no challenge. Right?

Dinner in the room

So, today is Raya, we spend the morning travelling for more than hour from Witbank to Pretoria trying to reach the residence of some officer / advisor in Malaysian embassy. Our transport does not know exactly where the place is,and ultimately we fail to reach on time for Nazlyna to attend the takbir, but nevertheless, we spend some great time there beramah-mesra with some fellow Malaysian there.

The afternoon, we walk around a so call very big mall nearby and had a rather late and heavy lunch, thus we decided to postpone our dinner or maybe have it in our own room. So, when dinner time, this is what delivered to my room. I already know the menu, but do not expect it will look this good (but so far every meal in Belle Done looks good to me)

As usual,a three course meal for dinner, your choice of starter, main course and dessert. As for drinks, I mostly will order the local Castle beer. Not bad, man.

Today's starter is something familiar, vegetable spring role or fried popiah. It does not taste different from those that we can get back in Malaysia. Pretty nice.

My main course is medium beef fillet, with grilled pepper, potato and some local thingy.

Well, another surprise this evening is the beef. I ordered medium, and medium I get. But unlike any steak I had back in Malaysia, this beef is so tender and juicy that I cherish every bite of it.

And the dessert is this quite little strawberry cheese cake. One thing good about the food in Belle Done is, for the dessert, it is never too sweet. Just nice, and the dressing is simple but elegant. Apart from the sour strawberry, this dessert is almost perfect for me!

I wonder why those came here before me complained that the food here sucks. Either they frequent 50 stars place everyday in Malaysia or I'm too kampung or they are just don't know how to appreciate really good food, I don't know. One thing I know, to food here, so far there isn't one big disappointment yet.

Mission to Witbank

And so the journey begins with a sip of a pre-flight champagne. What awaits us, we have no idea. News from those who went before is not promising. They say it gonna be hell, and thus, in the more than 10 hours flight and transit, where we still close to the touch of civilization, we must utilize all of it.

What this trip will bring me is a new job role, learning things that I never thing I will going to learn, and doing things that I did not plan to do in short term. What bizarre about this situation is, it is just hours after I tell my lead that I am always game for anything new, and that very evening, I got the news. Ha~

If I say I'm not worried at all about this trip, this mission, then I am lying. But thing is, this is just a job, not about life and death. My job now for the next 6 weeks is to learn from the people there, and their job in the next 6 weeks will include teaching me what they got. Strictly business, nothing personal.

With that idea in mind, I am more relax and decided, when work, I give my all. After office hour, I'll enjoy the best. I'll eat the best, and drink the best (as long as it is reasonable) and I definitely won't let the fact that the cultural difference in this country to be a detractor of me having fun. If you are not open to other's culture, then you shouldn't even be a Malaysian. Wahahaha~!


Although Eve can not make it with us, but this two comrades are good enough. Oddly enough, all three of us are analytical and a bit of introvert. But that means we can cope with each other better. Nazlyna is a cute fella, and Annie, a mother of two acts a bit like Ziva in the NCIS series, but still have a good dose of humour in her.


Looking back after we landed on Jo'burg, it is rather surprising, at least for me, that for the past 24 hours, the only thing we have done is all about travelling. Seeing what welcome us is such a beautiful scenery, I feel that, although the knowledge transfer maybe taxing, but at least the none working time will be such an interestingly peaceful vacation.


So the plane has landed, and our mission begins. Wish us luck, my friends~!

Cause I'm Leaving...On A Jet Plane...

It's final, I'm here in the Cathay Pacific's Lounge, waiting to depart for my first business trip which bizarrely due to unknown fate, have to be South Africa. I always wanted to travel out of Asia, but never know the very first non-Asia country I'll go is South Africa. It's not even in my Top 10 list of country that I must visit some day~!

But still, fate is weird, and G** may be gay.What lies ahead is unknown. I am to get trained on what the guys in Africa is doing so that I can take over their job and they get retrenched. Half a year ago, it was the other way round. How ironic life is, sometimes.

I do hope that I will get a good karma. Last time I treated the Chinese quite well, give them full co-operation, and be supportive. Just that their then boss from kiasu land is a bit of a queer. So, lets hope that I will at least get a similar level of treatment here, but still, I prefer it will be better.

Too bad, team lead is not going in the same trip, I don't have kaki minum here then. When is she coming? Hmmm...

Yumcha in Starbuck, Centro

So, in Starbuck Centro, Klang. First time having coffee and browsing the Internet here and first time I organize a yum-cha session with my Klang gang here, trying to well, pull the off from the 99 mamak. I'm rather sick of it, but since most of the time no one has other idea we end up going there every time.

So, now don't know how well they accept this arrangement. Perhaps the parking fee and the price of the drinks here may be a detractor as the 'usual' place for us, but anyway, it worth a try, and really hope it works.

Even if they don't like this, I'm good to settle for Old Town...

Say....is there such cool coffee place in Witbank? I wonder....

品酒 . 酒品

昨日收工與朋友同事飲酒.
由於不夠睡, 我喝得也不多. 別說醉, 就連酒精的影響也沒甚麼察覺到.
偶爾去喝酒, 不醉, 不受酒精影響也不錯的.
所謂眾皆醉我獨醒, 看的東西, 領悟的, 反而比平時的多.
發現有的人, 喝醉後酒品差得要命. 不能喝還拼命的灌. 明明就爛醉了還硬說不醉.
最的人討厭的就是三五成群的開始在吹水.
不管他好不好笑, 都笑的像個白痴.
那就是他們所謂的輕鬆, 快樂麼?
我很少喝醉, 不過就算我醉臥也不會那樣.
到底是人享受酒精的影響, 還是讓酒精影響?
人類的精神力量那麼大, 不過卻是有人喜歡完完全全的向酒精投降. 真他媽的渾蛋加三千!
度然發覺, 會品酒的人應該會有好酒品.
酒品壞的人不會品酒, 因為他們都是在灌酒, 只求一醉.
我說的品酒不是專業式的, 而是能夠尊敬, 欣賞他說喝酒每一口酒.
能夠不讓爛醉兩個字與喝酒拉在一起的人.

Lets start from here

And so the new job started. The first two weeks will be nothing but induction and various training. Week three onwards, if not mistaken will also be various training until like week 6. So, I most likely can only do actual work in my third month there...hopefully.

I'm not sure about others but for me, the first week in BHPB is really an eye opener and I'm totally impressed. We all get our workstation PC ready along with the most important access like email and other portal. I remember in other company, one will not get the ID unless the newbie himself have to constantly bug his manager so that the manager can constantly bug the FM or IT team to get it done asap. But here, it is just cool.

Based on the trouble they took in hiring, where the candidate have to endure a preliminary interview, and if pass take some test and if it is good, proceed to the third interview, and the details in our two weeks induction schedule, I believe, by the time we actually can do work, we will be 100% know what to do, who to contact and in short well equip. That's why I don't really have a lot of question to ask. They like have take into consideration of everything. What I need to do is just wait for things to unfold themselves as per pre-arranged by them.

I already like the environment before I join, now I have been there for a week and like it even more. I have to work hard then, for this is really a blessing after the devastating retrenchment that I walked through. I believe there is a future for me here, and I am glad I rejected the other offer for this. Haha~

The End Is The Begining Is The End

When I received the call saying I got a job offer, but it only starts on July, my first inner reaction is, "What, I have to wait for another month?". Now is July, and I will start on the 6th. Suddenly, I just realized that my long vacation has finally comes to an end. Like all holiday or vacation or break before this, I kind of starting to miss being totally free and useless again.

June, although is the financially worst in my days of unemployment, but is also the most relaxing month. No, I did not go anywhere this three months, not even a short local getaway, just stay at my place. The first two months can hardly relax, not news from job hunting, attending various interviews and browsing through those job sites. It is productive, or appear to be productive. The uncertainty of the future cast a rather dark shadow of my everyday life.

But a single phone call at the end of May change everything, but then my money is running out. So, although now I can let down the burden of job hunting, and just wait for days to go by and start my new job a month after, I can't really enjoy it the way I like. Well, you can't always get what you want. I can only enjoy what I can afford.

I tried to find some part time or even temp job, but I found that getting a suitable temp job is even harder than getting a permanent job. After a couple of try, I give up, cause there isn't much time for that.

The last two week I starting to prepare for the new job, studying the traffic so that I know when is the best time to start travelling to the office. To make my days more meaningful, I called some friends out to have lunch together. Reason I'm doing is in the final two weeks of long holiday is, I save the best for the last. Haha~

I kind of like the idea of calling friend out for lunch in weekdays. One maybe to see how they dressed in working days, or perhaps it is something I can't normally do when I am working. Not much people have a chance to get retrench, I might as well make use of it to do something I seldom have chance to go.

Enough said, not is already early Sunday morning, meaning tomorrow I new chapter of life will begin. Wish me luck, pal!

Feeling, a bit complicated

It has ended long time...but yet do not know still stay in my mind. Maybe it ended too abruptly when I haven't see that it will not work. It was a smart move, but not from me, albeit a bit sudden.

Many years since. The role that I filled is replaced. I know only this particular person can makes it works. Based on what I was told, I wonder why it never happen before. But now it does.

I am happy at how it turns out. If it is this person, things will be in good hands and hope it will prosper and fruitful. But yet, although I am sincerely happy, there is still a slight bitterness in me. Why is that?

Logically, rationally, I admit and know if it is me, the end will still the same. All will eventually be undo. And as mention, only this person can do it. But knowing is one thing, feeling is different. Even just a slight bitterness, but still is not a pleasant feeling. I hope this is the end for their search. As for me, now the chapter can really be close, for there will not be any hope, however slight.

I should have move on. I did, but not totally. The good news stirs my thinking a little. Maybe it time again to ask my purpose. Maybe Siowgirl is right, a rebound is helpful to get over it. Yeah, since it may give an illusion that things move on. But now I think I rather late for me. Just a little emo due to the complex and contradict feelings. Should be OK in no time.

For someone who I know definitely has little chance reading this, I Love You, and all there best for you. You have found it, do not let go.

Sunday morning, June the seventh 2009 3.28 am

Sunday morning, June the seventh 2009 3.28 am.

Been on the bed more than 2 hours, still not able to get asleep.

Nothing special in my mind, no problems, no trouble, no nothing.

Yet, just can't sleep.

My eyes are tired, my body is tired, my brain is tired.

And I just can't get asleep.

Diu~!

失業記之流浪漢

失業第二十九天, 如常的, 十點多睡醒.
洗刷後, 看完報紙, 再在家上上網, 就出來了.
若沒有面試甚麼的, 就到處走走.
或商場逛逛, 或到書店遊覽到處流浪.
不過大多數時候, 都會選擇一間或幾間咖啡店坐坐看看書.
一天就這麼平平談談的度過.
看中的工, 還在等著消息.
雖說滿樂觀的, 不過還難免忐忑不安.
舊同事問起, 都回答靜觀其變吧, 不用那麼的緊張.
話雖如此, 但看見戶口裡的數目越來越小, 要不緊張, 談可容易.
船到橋頭自然直, 對自己講了無數次, 但本性沒耐性的我, 要靜下來還真不容易.
唯有看看書, 買買東西來轉移我的注意力.
把時間,心思等花在平時上班時我沒時間沒力氣去好好享受的物事.
那些都是要用到錢的. 而錢, 是我傷腦筋的其中一樣事.
自知洗腳不抹腳, 有多少花多少.
還好已作了些安排, 好讓未來兩個月還能共車.
不經一番寒徹骨,哪得梅花撲鼻香.
既來之則安之, 難得消遙, 還不消遙個夠?

失業第二十四天

這星期一到四都為了去面試而到處奔波.累,真累!
還好星期五沒甚麼幹的.大樂!
起床後,突然興起,就隨便的打掃一下房間.
春節到現在,都好幾個月了.
雖說偶爾有掃兩掃,
但看著灰塵在桌上一型成一片薄薄的一層灰毛,實在不是味道.
只好動起來模個乾淨.看來還能頂個三四個月.
把一些就舊功課紙,舊雜誌,玩具紙箱整理後,送去在循環中心.
順道到市中心吃個海南雞飯.
吧生的雞飯與PJKL的大不同.
這幾年來都是在PJ吃多,很少在吧生吃雞飯了.
甚麼不是,新開的,一家比一家難吃.
小時後吃的味道,現在只有幾家老字號的做的出.
拜四面試回家後順道在市中心的"國香"吃過一頓.
味道不錯,讓我想起吧生的雞飯曾經有多麼的好吃.大喜!
今天把東西送到再循環中心後,
有再去飽餐一頓,又到星巴克喝咖啡三看倪匡的極短篇集.
一天,就這樣優哉悠哉的愉快度過了...

Tales of Unemployment

Well, another week and I am officially unemployed for a month. Third week of unemployment, attended several interviews, assessments, rejected a couple of offers, that either too stingy or sucks in terms of job or environment or location, got one rejection, mostly because they want fresh grads, which is relatively cheaper.

Job hunting is a boring process, the only fun part for me is the interview part. I like to get to know new people, but I am shy (really) to start a conversation with stranger, but in interview, it is different. We already have a standard topic, which is I trying to sell myself and they want to know more about what I am selling.

So despite I'm putting my bet on a certain opportunity that I am really interested in, but can only give me an update by end of the month, I still seek for other possibility. Apart of giving the power to choose, an extra option, those interview session will also plays a part in killing those free time that I have tonnes now.

Yeah, for now I still think meeting strangers and chat in a job interview is more safer than starting a conversation with random stranger (that I find interesting / attractive) in a restaurant or bus stop (I seldom take bus now). Always wonder, what will they think if I simply just start talking to them? Maybe I should try and see what really on their mind...

April 12th 2009

April 12th, my birthday. Still in my twenties, ha.

This must be my weirdest birthday so far. I never really celebrate all my birthday, but still this is the first time I go tomb sweeping for Qingming on my birthday.

Slept at 3 after a lackluster tea session with friend and re-watch a couple episodes of Romance of The Three Kingdoms (in case you don't know, this is NOT a love story) and up at 6, but luckily, I don't have to drive, and better still when we no longer go all the way deep in KL to some old fashion cemetery. Both my grandpa and grandma have been cremated and placed in Qian Fo Shi (Temple of A Thousand Buddha, but somehow the established translation is Chin Foot Sze, temple of chin and foot?), so we do not need to go all the way deep into some bushes with bugs and mud. Althought the temple is still rather old, but it is an easier task.

Post tomb sweeping, my parents and the uncles aunties have decided to pay a visit to their cousin and off we go to Cheras. We had a lunch there, and I spent all the time listening to their long old stories as well as some political commentaries. Well, those are not cheap kopitiam talk, but really deep and intelligent, better than the gossip my mum repeats with her sisters.

The journey home is even fun, raining cats and dogs as if the sky had burito and chili plus tom yam last night, but rather suit the Qingming occasion.

清明時節雨紛紛
路上行人欲斷魂
借問酒家何處有
牧童遙指杏花村

-杜牧

Day has not end yet, tomorrow although still do not have a job, but it's time to really start hunting. Wish me luck, comrades~!