Video: How to respond to a telemarketer - The Seinfeld way

Anyone care to try this?

Video: George Costanza - How To Pretend That You Are Busy

For all working class,
some nice skill to learn...

Video: Dayo - 打工道理

The Tao of working class.
各位打工仔...please take note....

Intoxicated but not drunk

Intoxicated but not drunk.

With half of bottle of Shiraz Rose in my vein, and the prospect of finishing it.But why on Sunday night? With the risk of hangover tomorrow? The Blue Monday?

Rose, not as rich and fruity as red, not as dry as white, with a blend of fruitiness and the illusion of sweetness. Well, thought I get a cheap one, but it is delicious.

Well, any idea why I bought this? Huhuhuh~

Intoxicated, but not drunk.

But how is drunk? What can be defined as drunk for me? Poor balancing? That's intoxicated. Slurred speech? Intoxicated as well. Then what is drunk?

Well, for me maybe it is a state where I can't rationale why I am doing certain things but still doing it, with a possibility that I may forget about it next morning. I may not able to function and think like normal, and the overall brain activity will slow down...well, that's horrible, and so far never experienced it.

The mass media has given me an ideal of drunkenness, which is getting into shit and regret it next morning.If that is how I define drunk, then thank God I haven't experienced it. The most I got is heavy intoxicated, where I still able to get back to my room, shower, dry my hair and sleep like a murdered victim.

So folks, please take note of my definition of drunk.

Why I prefer to say I am intoxicated instead of drunk? For me, you will only get drunk if you do not know that you are getting drunk. So, you see, drunkenness, for me is not physiological, but psychological. When you sense that alcohol effect is taking over you brain, and you are aware of it, and still able to tell your friend that he or she better keep an eye on you, then you are not drunk, just perhaps, heavily intoxicated.

Awareness, is very important. Aware that alcohol is tarting to work. Aware that your senses are affected, your vision may be a bit blur, you touch is less sensitive, try to bite your lips and you will feel less pain. Aware that you need full concentration to walk like normal. Aware, aware, aware.

If you are aware, then you have better chance of controlling your brain and body instead of the alcohol. It will be will power VS chemical. Interesting fight, and never a fair one. Most of the time, in most of the people, the chemical will silently crept to their brain and bang~! You become a alcohol zombie. The very evidence will be you will say that you are not drunk and can drink more, even when you are puking your lungs out and flirting with the big and hairy "jaga" with impressive body odour. If you are aware, you will admit that you are intoxicated, and most likely you will start ordering lighter materials like beer, or water, lots of water.

When I started to drink beers when still schooling, mostly during CNY or some boring typical wedding dinner, I will play game with myself, since my objective to the dinner is only dining. The game is simple, drink and maintain my control over my conscious. But it was a very hard game since most dinner only serves light materials like beer. And if I really wanna get intoxicated to the level that the game can be interesting, my stomach will be full of gas and I will have to play the second game - control the "Qi" and belch the gas. Well, it is boring and need more concentration.

Since for most of the time that I did drink, the most serious level I get is "Highly/Seriously Intoxicated" level, I don't quite believe to those bullshits that people committed wrong doings when they are drunk. Reason being, if you are a human being, it must be you who control yourself, not the alcohol. Alcohol is just a chemical substance that affects our brain activities. It is not a program command that makes you committing crime and so stupid things.

So for all the girls and boys out there, if some one try to so something bad to you when they are drunk, and since they will use drunkenness as an excuse of not remembering it or as excuse to be forgiven, you are free to cut their balls and feed it to a near by dog, or better to the drunkard.

Damn, the intoxicating level and made me lose focus on the agenda for this entry....damn it.

[Jan Lamb Version] Grandiose @ Squat Down Blow Rice - [林狗版] 浮誇@踎低噴飯

Always like stand-up comedy.
This is one segment from Jan Lamb, one of Hong Kong most celebrated stand up comedian after Dayo Wong.

[林狗版] 浮誇@是但噏踎低噴飯
[Jan Lamb Version] Grandiose @ Stand-up Comedy - Squat Down Blow Rice



Lyric (with Cantonese phonetics and translation):

你當我是浮誇吧!
Nei Dong Ngo Si Fao Kua Ba
You must think I'm exaggerating

加班只因我很怕
Ga Ban Zi Yan Ngo Han Pa
Work over time because I fear

我做牛
Ngo Zou Ngao
I work like a bull

我做埋狗吧
Ngo Zou Mai Gao Ba
and even like a dog

得到注意嗎?
Dak Dou Jv Yi Ma?
Did I ever get noticed?

其實怕被忘記
Kei Sad Pa Bei Mong Gei
Actually I fear being forgotten

我至扮忙,演吧!
Ngo Zi Ban Mong Yin Ba
So I pretend to be busy

想休息都無請假
Xiong Yao Sik Dou Mou Qeng Ga
Though I wanted rest I never take leave

我份人算作勤力嗎?
Ngo Fan Yan Xun Zou Kan Lek Ma?
Am I considered hardworking?

OT到爆炸!
O T Dou Bao Za!
OT until I explode!

可惜我份糧沒有加,
Ho Sik Ngo Fan Liong Mud Yao Ga
But still my salary never increase

做十年未加…啊…啊
Zou Sap Nin Mei Ga...Ha...Ha
Even after serve for ten years...

我杯凍檸茶
Ngo Bui Dong Leng Cha
My iced lemon tea

叫左十年沒喝吧!
Giu Zuo Sap Nin Mei Hod Ba
I haven't taken a sip after ten years

別遺忘有人在為你聲沙…啊………!!!
Bid Wai Mong Yao Yan Zoi Wai Nei Seng Sa...Ha.........!!!
Don't forget there is someone mourning for you.........

*Translation and Cantonese phonetics by Jacob

*Original Track: 浮誇 by Eason Chan

So if no means yes and yes means no, so when does no means no and yes means yes?

I think all or most of us must either have this experience or read it for somewhere. There is a saying or belief that says “When girls say no they don’t actually mean no”. Who believes this? You? How thick can you be?

Because the existence of this saying, most idiotic guy screw up in their relationship. It is not a hundred percent rule. Whether it is applicable depends on the situation, the personality of the person yada yada yada. What worse is, guy don’t know when it the girl really meant no when say no. Usually they will take no as yes when it comes to sex and most of them are lucky enough for the girl did not report it as rape.

Well, the thing is, this saying applies to both sexes, men and women alike. In shot, it applies to all human. Girls are not the one using or having that attitude. For the girls, how many time when you think you did or said the wrong thing and when you turn and ask your boy if they are offended what so ever they only reply – Nothing. But they like as if they just got their testicle pierced.

Sad thing. Human never able to be truly honest, not even to their dearest of all. Human tend to think it is better to let it pass. But do they? No they don’t. When they utter out “Nothing” or “No” they are already making a subconscious note in their mind. They said “nothing” but yet they feel victimized. All those “no” and “nothing” case will be accumulated, until one day when they quarrel about some totally unrelated issue, all hell will break lose and they will dig out all the old files and audit them one by one…

Remember that time you ate the last meatball we have?
-I asked you, you say don’t want duh…
Can't you see I was not happy?
-You look weird, I thought you (for girl – PMS, for guy – stomach ache or some illness)
You know I always like meatball!
………

But yet, why can’t they just speak their piece of mind that time? If they don’t care about it, why dig it out later? Or they did care about it, did take offence whatsoever, but their ego is big they want to play the part that sacrifices itself for the sake of relationship. Come on…so that they can boast to their friend when they have their small talk.

That day G ate my last meatball during dinner, you know I always like meatballs.
-Oooo (yeah big deal)
And G still dare ask me if I’m ok with it… G should know right, I love meatballs.
-Then what you say?
What can I say? Let G have G’s own way la. Never mind one, relationship is like that la…
-Yeah, you’re right dude (come on).

In relationship, both parties will always think they have made contributions, sacrifices and giving themselves credit. Even most of they will say they do it without hoping for anything in return, unconditional love. Haha…If you are really love unconditionally, you won’t even think you are making sacrifices unconditionally. You just do it, naturally

Equality

Is there a world where it is really equality between men and women? Don't dream. Never.

There will always be a difference. Not to say a total discrimination like the old days. Just there will never be fair.

How can it be? Anatomically they are difference. Psychologically they are difference. Almost every aspect we can think of, there will be difference.

Well some may argue there is rising numbers of women at work, in politics, in this and that yada yada yada. But they left out one crucial place....the mind. Not just the in mind of the men but the women as well.

Simple, you have guys in your house, you need to change a light bulb...in between you sister and the guy,who you gonna ask? When fighting for rights to work get paid, get employed or any other forms of gain, the issue of gender equality will surface. When it comes to kill the rat, do the pumbling, fix the car, install this and that, they'll say "You guy ma...we girls wo..." wow that's fair.

Why fight for women's right? Doesn't it mean that you need the guy to give you a right? Doesn't that still sounds like you are being control by men?

I think, the effect of women movement is so great, that most of the women might get a little bit of extreme, in which what they want now is no longer equality, but wants to be the dominant party.

So nowadays, I think guys are the one get discrimintated. We get sue very easily if we make wrong choice of words that may sounds sexually offensive.

Sigh...euqality....I ideal is we can really be open up. There will be no difference between the way we treat our buddy and the way we treat the ladies, except for our girlfriend (if have) of course.
We can fight, curse,discuss anything if a really purely round table way. But that is just an ideal, like democracy. Which country really have a total democratic way? Ha~

Sad things is, while the ladies is evolving to a better form...the guys.....sigh.
Just read some recent remark from our Ministers. You'be embarassed as a guy. In fact you will think we deserve to be the ladies' slave....

Check List for Going Immortal

If you are to be granted immortality,
make sure

1- it comes with awfully lot of never-ending source of money. It will be hell if you have to work for 3000 years and counting.

2 - that you won't age as well, though it will be fun to see how you look if you age till 375329 years old, but what use of life you lost your lust (sex especially) and will? You are just a walking protein mass.

3 - your children buy insurance and you get their money when they die if they are not immortal.
4 - your wife is not an immortal. Unless you enjoy the same girl the rest of your life. If not better die and reincarnate.

5 - you can never be injured, or has super healing power like Highlander. It wouldn't be fun to get vegetative or coma or cripple for 50233 years...and counting.

6 - make sure you investigate thoroughly the girl you are flirting in year 7098, in case she is your great great great great great great great great granddaughter originated from you wife number 916489, son number 1656830...and counting, of course.

7 - you still offering seat to the old even you are 60000 years old older than the poor guy. That is if you don't age.

8 - try not to get yourself into a life sentence behind bars. Your life will turn up to be a pathetic black comedy.

9 - try to make the future generations believe Hannibal Lecter does exist, James Bond is God of Sex based on ancient Greek myths and Doraemon is originally yellow, only turn blue when he freaks out after realize his ear been bit off by Mickey Mouse.

10 - report lost of IC and birth certificate every 50 years. Conceal the fact that you are immortal, unless you like to be employed by US Government (as a specimen in Area 51).

Murphy's Law

If anything can go wrong, it will...

1 - You bought a new $500 Nike sneakers, the first step out of the house you step on Bobby's shit. And Bobby is your neighbour's pet cow.

2 - You are driving you new Honda Civic home from the car sales office and killed a motorist, and his backseat wife and newborn baby.

3 - Your girlfriend is pregnant with you child, and you just found out she is your long lost sister.

4 - Worse, your girlfriend is pregnant with you child, and you just found out she is your long lost biological daughter.

5 - Worst, your girlfriend is pregnant with you child, and you just found out she is your long lost biological mother.

6 - You are sick and go for the doctor to get an MC, but he is on MC.

7 - You really want it, but your girl is having period.

8 - You just have it (outside), but your girl wants it (at least three rounds she said)

9 - That is the only time you do it without rubber, 9 months later you are a father.

10 - You gave your girl a ring, she thank you for getting a gorgeous gift for her wedding with Tom.

11- Worse, you are not Tom.

12 - You try to be early, but the traffic is jam.

13 - You are late, and the traffic is more jam than ever.

14 - You stuck in the jam but you really need to shit and pee.

15 - You stuck in the lift but you really need to fart (and you know it will be a loud one)

16 - You thought you are having a wet dream but you actually wet your bed.

17 - Worse, you girl sleeps beside and your lubricant just waken her.

18 - You finish you business, but there is not toiler paper.

19 - Worse, you don't have with you any tissues, newspaper, name card, handkerchief or socks and the toiler has no bidet.

20 - You wrote a long detail post, but instead of "Save" you clicked "Delete".