First of all, who does not know how to smoke? Read carefully, not asking how smokes, but who knows how to? Smoking is bad, but not so much of harm if trying to find out how it is like.
Surprisingly, despite being in a boy school, I never have peer pressure about smoking. Maybe I mixed with a better crowd i.e. nerds that will argues about the approach solving a add maths question that has the potential to escalate to a brawl. But I never argue, cause I never really bother doing it.
But eventually, somehow I've learn how to smoke, but luckily, I never get addicted. Maybe the addicting department in me already busy serving the caffeine. I took up the habit for a while though (hey, I bought a packet with my own money, I might as well finish it right?) and I drop it. Just like that~!
Recent changes, tragics and the whole bad feeling and chaos and shit in office, especially the kick off of the mountain thingy really affected my mind a bit. I don't think it is pressure, just some very negative feeling, and missing the good old days in the office where everyone knows clearly what they need to do and do it correctly. Peaceful days, very very relaxing days.
The departure of SM to a better opportunity means I have to double for two persons. This means that I have to actually work non stop the moment I switch on the Thinkpad until the sun is set and I have to make a choice of either stopping or collapsing. A month ago, it was hell.
Now I never believe smoking can makes one relax, unless if one is addicted to nicotine. I, however, am not. But the act of smoking can indeed to a certain extend help you calm down a bit. I am not a chain smoker, I am not even a smoker. As I told one of the Singapore colleague when she came here a year ago, I am a casual smoker. This mean I am not the type that need to get down to the lobby every one hour or so to fill in the lungs with shit. I only do it, once in a while, after work.
After a hard days work, the idiot-ness from the profession that I loath, and various other problems and issues that may or may not related to me really made me very jumpy, emotionally unstable and super hot temper. Now I do not want to bring all this negative feeling home, to my bed, so before the drive, I need to cool off myself. This is now the smoke comes it.
What is the act of smoking? Look and analyze the action. A guy standing or sitting down, inhaling and exhaling from an end of a lit cigarette. If we minus the cigarette, then it is just a guy standing or sitting, inhaling and exhaling, which means a guy standing or sitting there breathing and doing nothing else...NOTHING! I am an impatient asshole. If I got a mission (in this case, drive home, shower, eat and sleep), I can hardly stop and do nothing, but smoking will give me an illusion that I am doing something, but in fact not. How long it takes to finish one cigarette? Five minutes? Assume so. So, before I get home, I actually do nothing for five minutes, and in this five minutes, my system somehow manage to regulate back my emotion, breathing, heart rate and I just feel "hey, that's not quite a bad day after all"!
Smoking is bad, don't pick it up. October has a good start, and I do not need this little mood adjustment thingy before getting home, especially when the sky has the sun hanging there smiling at me when I leave the office....But I don't mind for some session every now and then...if situation permits...
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